"Oooh no. having a baaad feeling about this.. Suuuperduper unsure."
It is sad to know that you are having a hard time knowing yourself better.
Sometimes after work, you'll see yourself in the taxi waiting for you to arrive home.
But those minutes of waiting in a car, with no one, got nothing to do, you'll caught yourself
doing re-cap on how you manage your day. Like how did you react on this, how made you do this into this and that.
And then..
YOU.
After you did what you think was right, suddenly....
OH no.
You start questioning yourself.
Why did I react like that.
Why did I do that.
How did I miss that.
Why did I say that...
UNTIL..
You start feeling sooooo doooowwn, that if you only have the power to turn back time
or to be able to have the time machine, you would.
YOU would change that.. And make it right..
TO be honest, I was on my way home after a loooong busy day at work.
d.r.i.v.i.n.g and d.r.i.v.i.n.g
Because I was too busy
and everyone at work is depending on me to do the decision making from the simplest to the hardest problem,
I was pressured.
As well, afraid..
AFRAID that if I make decision is it the right one or the best or even
the only thing that I should do to make things right at work.
And due to so much stress and pressure,
I just see myself scolding people,
acting somebody who I don't know,
like an angel who suddenly realize how evil she was.
"I don't know who I am."
This phrase, is short but I mean it a LOT.
I no longer know myself.
I don't know anything. And I hear people complaining on the way I
Talk.
and
React.
and now I am miserable.
I don't pray 'cause there's a feeling inside me that I don't understand.
I used to scold people. B'coz I know it would make things more easier.
Jealous. I can't help. I feel people are stealing something very important to me.
Over-reacting. I panic a lot.
And theeeeese things. Makes me Soooo Unsure of who I am Now.
